First Day

I did it...I raised my hand and said no more...I will not accept being in a relationship any longer where there is no love, no trust or compassion. This has been a 7 year journey that took many a turn to ulitmately end up at a dead end...there is no more to go on the road. I am certain of my decision and by relying on God's Will and so many wonderful friends along the road, I was able to stand up strong and keep strong today.

I am sure that he has no idea of how much hurt I felt. I have felt that hurt for the last time. It is already so much better...I am still waiting somehow for a message from him even though I doubt I will hear anything. It will just keep getting better, healing and time will soothe the open wounds.

What I thought was Love was not...it was just me in love with the idea that he wanted what I wanted, that he adored me as much as I did him and that we would always be happy together. It took 7 years to finally have my heart understand the truth enough to stand alone.

Today is the first day of my new life. I am excited even as I mourn the end of my obsession. There is so much to write and pour out...and I am just not feeling prolific enough...I just want to get this out and state that I am alive, well, hopeful and sober.